My "perfect nothings"

I always loved birthdays, all birthdays... Just the excitement of waiting for the day to come…  Mine were my absolute favourite always (before my kids arrived)…As every little child I guess. It was not about the specific day but rather the whole week beforehand. The weekend before, my mum was taking me to choose the clothes I would wear at the party. Oh the excitement! I could pick anything. Well, almost everything. My mum always had her own stylistic preferences that at times were imposed to me and my sister making us look like unnatural twins with a five-year age difference. And then, the choice of a birthday cake.

A couple of days before the party, my father would take me to a (the same every year) pastry shop. They had hundreds of photos of possible cakes to order – or it felt like it. I spent the whole afternoon discussing the options; whether another friend had it already, whether it was in fashion, the colours, and the flavours. Thinking about it now, it was not only about the cake and about the clothes. It was more about the fact that I was old enough to choose it myself.


Then these things faded…During my student years, I have a gap in my memory of birthday celebrations. I wonder now if they were not as exciting or growing up was not as fascinating as it was when I was a child.

Fast forward to today…My family asked what I would like to do for my birthday this year. In the past, I felt I needed a big gathering of friends and families or a girls’ night out or a party. This year, things were different. I needed a birthday of “nothing”. Interesting concept… A day that I will do nothing, I will think of nothing, I will decide on nothing, and I will worry about nothing. The year has taken its toll on me. Work, responsibilities, kids, travelling, and family moving around and here I am today asking for the “perfect nothing”.

Of course, things are not always going as planned, but then how boring life would be! So, in my “perfect nothing”, sleeping late was the first thing on the agenda… well, my bigboy put his little hand on my shoulder just before 6 “wake up mummy, I need to give you a surprise”. For the next half an hour, chaos broke loose: flowers and presents and beloved family all together on my bed to sing and giggle and open presents. The day continued with breakfast (that I did not have to cook), with swimming in the pool and reading my book under the sun. A “perfect nothing”.

We forget to appreciate our “perfect nothings”. We are in a never-ending pursuit of something, a job, a project, a relationship, a friendship, a new house, a new car – and we appreciate less and less the moments where life is happening. And you know what is worse? That we overthink and overanalyse happiness. We watch videos and read books about being happier and more content and we exchange advise on personal growth and how to be zen and not allow negativity touch us. We overanalyse relationships, and what we say and do, and the effort that other people put into having a connection with us, and how our spouses appreciate us (or rather how they show their appreciation to us).

and happiness is when we do nothing…in the small “perfect nothings”…. a tight hug from my spouse that waits at the front door for me to return home, a warm smile from my sons when they see me coming down the steps “ah here’s the birthday girl”, a giggle with a dear friend (because we both spotted MacDonalds at the same time), a “miss you” message, sitting in the sun daydreaming, choosing your own birthday cake and clothes,  and so many others…

So, instead of a new years resolution, this year I am having a birthday resolution. The gift and promise at the same time from myself and to myself is to pause and appreciate more my “perfect nothings”. Who is with me?